The Secret to Inspiring Change in Kids?

As parents, we all keep a mental list of the things our kids don’t do. But what if the one thing they did right mattered more than the ninety-nine times they didn’t?

I learned this the hard way—first with my own fiery temper, and later with a child who nearly pulled a fire extinguisher off the wall in my class.

And it all comes down to this truth from my teacher Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Where you put your attention in life, grow leaps and bounds.”

After most of my parenting workshops, parents come up to me with their concerns. And I’ve noticed something interesting: These concerns are almost always about what the child isn’t doing. How many times they didn’t listen. How many times they didn’t finish homework. How many times they didn’t clean up. I have been there too.

Rarely do I hear parents talk about how many times their child did listen, or help, or follow through. It is so human to keep a mental list of the things they don’t do, yet somehow forget the many moments they actually do what’s expected, or even surprise us with something better.

A few months ago, I was teaching a meditation course for kids, ages 8 to 12. One of the students in the first week needed a lot of handholding. They were restless and curious. They would touch other kids’ belongings, exploring places they shouldn’t… at one point, even trying to pull out the fire extinguisher. There was a dedicated volunteer helping me keep things on track.

On the last day of that week, as the child was leaving, I took a few minutes to tell them all the things they had done well that day. Their eyes lit up. They left saying, “I’ll do even better next time.”

The following week, they walked in a completely different child. They were participating fully, engaging kindly, no disturbances at all. I could manage this child alone with ease.

And yet, when I spoke to the parents about the changes, they hadn’t noticed. They were still caught in the memory of past challenges. That’s not unusual—it’s just how our minds work. We’re wired to notice what’s wrong before we see what’s right.

My own journey

As a child, I had a fiery temper. The kind that got me into trouble, earned me labels, and brought punishments I hated. The line I heard over and over was: “You’re such a good girl… except for your temper. You really need to work on that.”

So I did. I worked hard to “fix” myself. But the harder I tried, the more my anger seemed to flare. Even as an adult and a mom, I couldn’t shake it. 

Learning the Sudarshan Kriya (SKY) with Gurudev Sri Sri Ravishankar was a turning point. It helped in a big way, but I still felt I wasn’t “there” yet. Then one day, I heard Gurudev say:

“Where you put your attention in life, grow leaps and bounds.”

It hit me. My attention had always been on my anger, on how often I lost it, replaying my outbursts and beating myself upon every single time I failed.

So I flipped it. I began noticing the rare moments, maybe one in ten - when I stayed calm. I let that one moment matter more than the nine times I failed.

Slowly, the one time became two. Then five.

Two decades later, I barely recognize the person I used to be.

For Parents

It works the same way with our children.

If you catch them doing one thing right, even if it’s just one time in a hundred, and you acknowledge it, they start to believe they can do more of it.

I don't mean praising them to the moon or giving them rewards. A simple acknowledgement, something small like saying "You finished your school work on time", a fist pump or a high five is enough.

That one will become ten, then fifty. Not because you praised them to the skies, but because you saw them.

I have applied this with children in my class all the time and it works equally well with adults. 

So here’s a small invitation:

Today, try catching one good thing, just one, in your child, your partner, or yourself. Name it. See what happens. You might just start a ripple.

You might be surprised how quickly those moments begin to grow.

And if this story made you smile or reminded you of something important, pass it on. You never know whose day it might change.