Echoes of Childhood: How Our Past Shapes Our Parenting

Have you ever caught yourself reacting to your child in a way that felt… familiar? Maybe a little too familiar?

Sometimes, in those heated parenting moments, it’s not the adult in us who’s responding, but the child within us.

I realized this profoundly during a parenting workshop I led some years ago.

A young mother with a 4-year-old daughter was part of the group. During our conversation on discipline, I shared that punishments don’t really work.

She shared her frustration: “My child never listens. So, I punish her.”

I gently asked, “Do the punishments help?”

She paused, a little surprised. “No… not really.”

I shared, “Sometimes, gentler discipline works better. We can create boundaries without anger or punishments.”

Her face changed. She turned red and, with an emotional tone, said,“Well, my mom punished me when I didn’t listen. Why should it be different for my child? If I had to follow the rules, so should she. Otherwise it’s unfair!”

And in that moment, something powerful unfolded.

It was no longer just a mother speaking.It was the little girl inside her, still hurt, still unseen, still carrying the weight of punishment she once received. 

That mom is not alone. I have been there many times and it has reflected in my parenting.

What helped?

Pause…

If we pause, even for a breath, and ask,“What’s really upsetting me at this moment with my child?”We often find that it’s not the child’s behavior, it’s a deeper issue that hasn’t been acknowledged.

Decades later, I still hear this from many parents (young and old). They distinctly remember the incidents that made them feel unheard or unseen. They often say:“My voice wasn’t heard.”

“No one asked me how I felt.”“I wasn’t allowed to express myself.”

And once that inner child is acknowledged, once their emotion is validated, everything begins to shift.The parent softens.The reactions change.The dynamic with their own child transforms.

I invite you to

Take a moment to reflect:

• When your child doesn’t listen, what story comes up for you?

• Is it really about the child, or is it touching a nerve deeper in you?

• Can you pause and offer that younger version of yourself some compassion?

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Conscious parenting begins not with a technique, but with awareness.Not with control, but with connection—both with your child, and with yourself.

✨ When we heal the child within us, we stop passing down the pain.

✨ We are fully present and offer something that serves the current situation.

✨ And in doing so, we give our children the freedom to grow without carrying what we never asked to hold.

How to pause?

I will be sharing some tips in my upcoming blogs.

Want to Go Deeper?

If this reflection resonated with you, you're not alone.

I share gentle insights, conscious parenting tools, and real-life stories that help you parent with presence, compassion, and clarity starting with your own inner journey. I help parents do the inner work that leads to more conscious, connected parenting on the outside.

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