Be Perfectly Imperfect!

In a recent course that I was teaching, I heard one of the participants comment that he/she is a perfectionist and gets quickly irritated when things are not perfect. It made me think. I, too, have been a perfectionist, and understand the challenge well. Many years later, I am breaking it down in a different way.

What is perfection?

According to Webster dictionary, perfection is a noun that is described as: the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects.

When someone calls oneself a perfectionist, they are trying to achieve a state that is free from all possible flaws. Is it really possible?

It is wonderful to want to do things without any flaws at all. It is simply a perception. What is perfect to someone need not necessarily be perfect to someone else. However, when this quality crosses a limit, it starts causing problems for oneself and the people around them.

When we look it from a different angle, perfectionism (as it is practiced and talked about) is nothing but a strong position a person holds to what they consider to be flawless. Though it is quite glorified, and people take pride in calling themselves a “perfectionist”, it is nothing but a strong position/opinion. Just like every opinion changes, this will also change. However, the label that we hold does not change.

But, what if we drop the label and allow for some imperfection in our life?

Some of things that we may gain include:

We become less judgmental

When we expect perfection, if someone does not meet the requirements that define definition of perfection, it leads to judgments about others or oneself. When we judge ourselves harshly we start resenting and regrets build. When we judge others, we are creating distance between others and us. Connection is lost. When we allow for some imperfection, we tend to be less judgmental and create a space of compassion, connection and acceptance.

It brings people close to us and creates a community

I have always loved cooking; it is an art to me. When I cut vegetables they had to precise in shape and size. Guests would always ask me if I used a food processor to cut the vegetables so precisely. Of course it boosted my ego. So when others would ask to help me in the kitchen, I remember being a pain. I would give so many instructions that would make them feel so nervous and uncomfortable and sometimes even refusing to take their help. Actually the truth was people wanted to help me to feel included in what I was doing. After a few years, I realized the importance of including everyone and I dropped this perfectionistic attitude. I noticed people started feeling very relaxed around me and enjoyed helping me. I definitely enjoyed this feeling of having people around me. Perfection is in the way we perceive things. Not necessarily in action.

Of course I still pay a lot of attention when I cut because it gives me so much joy and pleasure doing that!

It avoids procrastination

Significant percent of people who procrastinate blame it on their perfectionism. Either they want to do a perfect job or not do it at all. The fear of not being perfect stops them from even starting. We are looking at everything in life as black or white. But life is in grey scale. Isn’t it better to do something than nothing? We cannot reach the state of perfection without going through the state of imperfection.

It frees us from being/feeling alone

The moment we wear the label that “I am a perfectionist”, then whatever others do, how much ever they do, is not satisfying. This is a subtle way for us to hold onto what we are doing and give others a chance to participate. We also get tired because no one can help us and we start resenting. We create an island for ourselves and remain a loner all the time. Great leaders make people perfect by empowering them.

We can save our body and mind from anger

Perfectionists get angry at others when they perceive someone to be imperfect. Every time we get angry at others, of course we are also losing our perfection in our mind. Our body suffers a lot every time we get angry. Allowing room for imperfection we can save our body and our mind.

So, if you call yourself a perfectionist I welcome you to give imperfection a chance.